y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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