Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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