did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
