And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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