i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You pole danced in your parka.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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