I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
