I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
