dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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