I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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