we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
