wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
