I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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