I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's blow job season.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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