be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
