He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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