I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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