eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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