I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
