there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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