Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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