your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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