Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
