Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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