hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
