I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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