Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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