Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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