This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
