youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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