She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
