I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
