we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
