The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize