Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
