I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize