I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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