I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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