you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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