dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
