forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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