After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
operation have a gay friend backfired
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
