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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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