This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
