Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
