Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
