I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
