just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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