You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
