God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
