spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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