having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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