He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
