I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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