I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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