hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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