Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize