i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
