so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize