He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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