it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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