My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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