did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
