I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
