Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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