babies were throwing up all over the place
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
