What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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