I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
