I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
