oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
