Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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